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11/28/2024

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Make a splash and share today!!

username:Turkey Drop

As the big day approaches my TexMex from the night before mugged me in my safe place this morning. 10+ smear factor, stink factor was off the charts and I should have clocked in because this event took over a half and hour to properly execute. Happy turkey day.

Back in action…finally

11/4/2023

Name: Spookie Dookie

Leave are falling, crisp chill in the air and kids blowing up my doorbell while I try to create magic in my porcelain throne. if they only knew the horrors I was creating just behind the doors. Their need for candy has put their safety in jeopardy. My Halloween decorations should have given them all the warnings they could need but the creeping gas that would hit their noses shortly will certainly cause then to run  

4/22/2023

Name
TrottyScotty

I come to you in my time of need. If any of the brothers in the community read this and are free right now, please head my way! I'm 3 rolls deep right now and counting. Each swipe just makes it worse and I feel like a slip n slide covered in brown baby oil. When will this nightmare end? Any help is appreciated... I think a garden hose, a mop and bucket, and a bag of cheetos should sort this thing out.

4/21/2023

Name
StinkBug

Geronimo!!!! I casted a clumpy sailor to sea this evening. He met his watery grave with a refreshing splash and was gone from sight in an instant. A true showman, he poked his head back out when flushed for a final farewell. Happy diving, Jacques Poohsteau!

4/17/2023

Name

Gutt truck survival

It’s funny how when the season starts for us blue collar guys from winter break is that our porcelain god thinking throne time is set from the laid off winter months. So there I was on a nice spring day first day back, cleaning up the  people’s landscaping beds in the gods country. Then from outta nowhere my gate keeper “ my stomach” wanted to let the prairie dog run for the surface. You all know the panic feeling that your sphincter starts to quiver and you have to bite your bottom lip and start to look around like the police are about to chase you and in reality you’re just trying to find a place to hide and let the prairie dog run. So in that moment I looked across the road and saw that the township just built a brand new shit palace. In years past the was a really nice gut wagon mobile condo on skids drop and wipe. When I say nice it was ok no Petroglyphs writings on the walls of drop zone patrons of weeks past. It always had great blue goo smell and also a brand new piss canal cupcake puck that didn’t look like a brand new Chia pet. Sorry running away from my thought reminiscing about how clean that drop zone party condo was. 

At this time I could walk due to the intrusion, other prairie dog digging for the surface. I had to climb into my 1989 Ford ranger 4 on the floor and drive across the road with buttermilk falling from my brow. As I pulled up and started to open the door to the ranger I immediately started my Lamaze breathing in clinch for everything. God gave me life and hold my breath for the 10 second oh my God feeling. Then I looked at the door into the freedom zone and it had a damn push button code lock! At that I felt there was a trapped small child in there. I could’ve probably ripped the handle off, but I decided not to to get charged with criminal damaging of the shit palace, and I took it upon myself. What code would be for the shit palace and it came to me “1234” and the door opened! For some

Reason I started praying thanking my lord and savior. When I say it was nice it was a dressed up jailhouse drop zone stainless steel throne. As you can tell no time to waste with preparation of the rim, straight to drop trowel and let the animal free! Do you remember when I said it was a new build? Yes so new it still had construction materials inside but did have the really nice triple ply napkin rolls available. So after I clean the buttermilk from my brow and wiped several times due to the consistency of a McDonald’s milkshake machine leaving my bowels. I climbed up off the cold stainless steel trophy bowl. I went to push the jail style water button to remove any trace of my partner in crime and to my unsatisfaction there wasn’t  Agua to get rid of my prairie dog. So what did I do in that moment you ask well I cleaned up and walked out saying I can’t see it from my house!
4/14/2023

Name
Junk In My Trunk

Relived 5th grade recess this morning. A classic reverse game of tug of war, mano y baño. An unstoppable force vs. an immovable object. Locked in a heated battle for what seemed like eternity, my muscles finally overcame my opponent's superior grip. My record improved to 5,083-1. But to this day, I dare not speak about the 1.

4/14/2023

Name

Potty closer

Catching the cleaning crew walking out of my safe zone that others call the Men’s Restroom is the highlight of my day. Knowing that I have a fresh canvas to paint is inspiring to me. The uncertainty of what was to come is parts of the excitement. I gathered my courage and went for it. Today’s masterpiece was a bit of an abstract collage. Colors, patterns and textures we breathe taking (literally). I really accomplished something special today. 

4/13/2023

Name
Snake

Nothing worse than having to go in after what was just released to find out you just found what was missing for months. It brang back memories from a bad relationship resulting in subpar construction, but the curl was like a fine crafted spiral staircase from an 18th century European castle. The craftsmanship was exquisite. I truly have found a lost art.

4/10/2023

Name
TrottyScotty

Mon Dieu!!! I just pulled two golden croissants out of the oven and they were baked to perfection. Fluffy but firm, smooth with no crumbs. Hate to see them go!

4/10/2023

Name
FlyBoy1945Email

Seat status: Clean, structurally sound, liquids at proper levels. Necessary papers: 3 spare rolls. Emergency exits: Clear of obstruction. I continued through my pre-mission checklist in silent anticipation of the monumental task set before me. My orders were to break off from my escort, navigate to the drop zone, and deliver the payload. Nerves were high and sweat dripped from my brow as I lined up my shot. Unaware of the true nature of the destructive load I was carrying, I armed all ordinance and released. The damage was catastrophic, and it was a direct hit. The payload hit right in the middle of the lake, and the ensuing water displacement almost sent waves crashing back into the recently closed payload doors. However, with disaster averted, I returned home victorious.

4/10/2023

Name
PoopStreak

My very first alert. My deuce schedule falls between 8-9 am. Currently it is 11am. I was in deep stomach pain and puckering. I could feel the Tuttle head poking my boxers and i knew i only had a few seconds to spring into action. After a long sprint to the beautiful porcelain deuce muncher, a volcano erupted reaching unfathomable heat levels. Something i would never wish upon my worst enemy. Half a roll of tp later and a second flush, i see my mark remained. I stood there proudly holding my breath knowing that the next person to follow me would not last a second breathing in that stench.

4/7/2023

Name
Stinkpicklepete22Email

Today's experience can only be described as a bountiful harvest on Stink Pickle Farms. As the cultivator of this crop I've put every ounce of me into its development. And let me tell you the result was a glorious yield of stink pickles. And as the door closed and the harvest was properly dispensed into the porcelain silo. I couldn't help but feel proud of my accomplishment and the excitement of what's to come tomorrow on Stink Pickle Farm.

3/26/2023
Name
Plastermaster

Message
Rough Sunday morning…not sure what I ate to deserve this but there aren’t enough cleaning supplies to make this porcelain explosion sanitary. Rating (1-10) Experience ‘1’ Consistency ‘2.5’ Smear ‘.05’ It was a natural disaster!!Device
mobile

3/20/2023
corncobbedpipe12

Godzilla emerged from the sea today and showed his ugly head. Not a great Wednesday. It took 3 flushes to smite that demon.